As we travel into midlife, many of us tend to carry a lot of baggage with us. We bring negative self-talk and self-doubt, in spite of a lifetime of successes. We have an inexplicable need to apologize for things that don’t require apologies. We bring with us a trunk full of bad habits that self-sabotage our personal happiness and success.
Why do we do this? Why can we not be more gentle with ourselves? Why don’t we do those things that will bring us the most joy? Why do we habitually put off tasks and create stress for ourselves?
I have been thinking about how the decisions of today affect the future me, just like the decisions of yesterday affect who I am today. Did I spend money on something that was not needed, leaving myself short and stressed? Did I eat a healthy diet, to ensure energy and health? Did I exercise to ensure a strong fit body? Did I make sure there was gas in the car, milk in the refrigerator so I wouldn’t need to go out in the morning?
We need to give our future selves gifts, we need to romance her, be thoughtful, make her life easier, not create more obstacles to her day than are already there.
Last night I cleaned the kitchen and put out fresh linens so I would wake up to a lovely clean-smelling home. I had the sewing machine out for another project, so I made a few lavender sachets that I put in my drawers and linen closet, because the scent of lavender or freshly ironed pillowcases is one of my favourite things. I pressed a pair of pants last night, so I wouldn’t be scrambling this morning. Instead of thinking about these daily tasks that have to be done, think of them as gifts to a future you.
I will be honest, I have been complaining about the state of my basement for months now. I have books on shelves that I haven’t cracked open since the 90’s. I have boxes and bins of things that I have no room for, but I keep telling myself the stuff in them is too good to part with. I have come to a conclusion, the clean room will bring me far more joy than the stuff that is cluttering the space. I deserve that joy.
If I had a partner, the best gift they could give me right now, help me clean out that space. Since I don’t have a partner, and I live by myself, the best thing I can do for myself is exactly the same thing.
I was almost to the front of the grocery store line when I realized I needed to buy flowers for a friend. That friend was me.
